Future Blues(Oh now that's a disgrace, when we laugh like a car wreck.)
JkHolland
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Interests: Starring...
Jeff Holland as The Rev. Dr. Jack Horton, Esquire, MD.,
(Go to: Future Blues: Photos for more photos and black and white sexy.)

Matt Burns as Wally Pate, the Tunganese Jester,

Brent as Dorian Moon, the wise man of the hill people,

Jaime Anderson as Veronica Perry, the all-seeing eye,

Expertise:
Becka Boyer as Shirley Mick, slurring Irish hula dancer,

Marie Oliver as Milla Steranko, psycho-chemist of the Ukranian borderlands.

And Becky Wall as The Eurasian Roadshow.


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Member Since: 5/13/2004

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Thursday, November 20, 2008

phelpsHere is a list of things I can believably accept Michael Phelps doing:

1) Swimming
2) Walking
3) Walking to a swim meet

Here is a list of things I cannot believably accept Michael Phelps doing:

1) Playing 'Guitar Hero'
2) Learning a foreign language via Rosetta Stone
3) Acting

Please stop asking me to believe these things, television.

+++++

Things I absolutely believe Heidi Klum does when Seal is out on tour and thus cannot make love to her constantly (which is what I gather they do, based on how they talk together in interviews):

1) Plays 'Guitar Hero' while dancing around in her underwear and a man's shirt.

Klum and seal

You can't be around her every day, Seal. And that is when I shall make my move.

You heard me, soul-man. I'm gonna play Guitar Hero with your woman.


Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Resident Expert

john_hodgmanQuote of the day, from the AV Club's (very, very long) interview with John Hodgman:

 "The very idea that there is no truth, but only the filter of narrative through which truth is invented is something I learned at the feet of the most leftist professors at Yale and am learning again from Sarah Palin during the Vice Presidential debate, and I find that very disorienting."

Hey, by the way he has a new book out, a follow-up to his hilariously faux-informative "The Areas of My Expertise." You can go buy it here, if you like.


Thursday, October 09, 2008

Delayed Reaction: "The Fountain"

Fountain   It’s Thursday, and I’m killing time before “The Office,” so I thought I’d take a second for a movie recommendation.

 

Thing is, you won’t like the movie. You won’t. Nobody does. Not at first, anyway.

 

The movie is The Fountain, Darren Aronofsky’s sci-fi epic starring Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weiss. The history of the movie’s creation is interesting by itself – originally, it had a huge budget and Brad Pitt and Kate Blanchett were set to star. But the budget went out of control, the studio balked, the actors split, and Aronofsky had to rethink the whole thing, eventually recasting it (in which case it helps to be married to a beautiful actress who’s game) and redeveloping all the special effects on a much smaller but no less stunning scale.

 

That won’t affect your enjoyment or lack thereof. I just thought I’d add that in there because I thought it was neat, how failed projects sometimes find new life (still waiting on Terry Gilliam’s “Man of La Mancha” movie with Johnny Depp).

 

Anyway, The Fountain is slow, ponderous, and a bit melodramatic, when it isn’t downright incomprehensible. The plot follows along three tracks, all starring Jackman and Weiss: a conquistador searching for the fountain of youth in the Mayan jungles; a scientist trying to eradicate cancer in time to save his dying wife; and a spaceman in the far future, traveling to a star cluster with a tree for unexplained reasons. The three narratives intersect and entwine enough to give us the sense that it’s all connected by present-day Jackman and Weiss’s dilemma.

 

Considering any one of these could technically make for an interesting movie, it’s bothersome that none of them actually are. They’re all beautifully shot and (considering the reduced budget) gorgeous to look at, but ultimately, when all is said and done, viewers are inclined to ask, “Okay…what the hell was THAT all about?” It’s deliberately obtuse, leaving viewers to do the heavy lifting. And so at first glance, it’s pretty unsatisfying.

 

Fountain 1 But it sinks in, specifically because it leaves the meaning to the viewer’s specific sensibilities.

 

When I spoke about it with Matt Burns, I learned that we had been watching very different films. I took the more fantastical parts – the conquistador and spaceman bits – as fictional elements within the present-day cancer story. Burns took it all literally, each part creating a larger, fully science fiction story.

 

And I don’t think either of us was wrong.

 

I watched it and saw a symbolic meditation on mortality and the grieving process – because I’m inclined to view things through that lens. Burns took it as a far-reaching realization of the eradication of death, and what that might ultimately look like, because that’s the movie he wanted to see. It may be both these things.

 

On initial viewing, The Fountain is certainly underwhelming. There’s just not a lot going on, the present-day segment feels a bit “Lifetime Movie,” and virtually no explanation is given for the connection between the three segments, just thematic inferences.

 

But I think that makes it a wonderful movie to reflect upon. There aren’t a lot of movies – certainly not a lot of science fiction movies – that trust the viewer enough to take their own meaning from it. This is one, and I recommend it in that sense – even knowing that one possible reflection is, “After sitting with this movie on my mind for a few days, I have come to the decision that I still goddamn hated it.”

 

Which I accept. But I recommend it because I watched it nearly a year ago, and it still stays with me. And so I’ve learned sometimes you have to take a chance on an oddball piece of cinema.

 

Okay, “The Office” is on now. Talk to you later.


Monday, September 29, 2008

Give Me Your Money!

Yes, it's that time again, gang. The Tri-State Lupus Foundation of America will be hosting their 2008 Lupus Loop walk/run on October 26, and we, the ever-growing roster of Team Tanitha, would really appreciate it if you could help us raise a little cash. It's as easy as it's ever been, too.
 
Step 1): Go to http://www.active.com/donate/lupusloop2008/JHollan65
Step 2): Click however much you'd like to donate.
Step 3): Feel good about having donated some money. 
 
I've emailed some of you already, but please forward this to anyone I might've forgotten, and to anyone on here I haven't talked to in a while...hi, how's it going?
 

lupus team

 


Thursday, August 28, 2008

"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics." - Popularized by Mark Twain

And that about sums up current news culture. As the Democratic National Convention roars to life and the 28-hour news cycle scrambles to feed the beast, this phrase keeps coming back to me. Every ounce of cautious optimism that Obama represents - in the face of staggeringly inept campaigning by McCain - is tempered by the nagging suspicion that this is not a done deal. Because taken as a whole, the American people are not to be trusted with voting. When given the chance to elect the possibility of progress and change, or stunning, callous ineptitude masquerading as Real America, it's entirely likely the voting public will listen to manipulative commercials, Fox News, and talking heads with agendas.   

I know this, because George W. Bush was elected twice.  

In times like this, I turn to two fictional examinations of modern politics and government. But tonight I'm not in the mood for the soothing liberal-idealism porn that was "The West Wing."

Transmet Tonight I want rage. Which is when Warren Ellis and Darick Robertson's masterful "Transmetropolitan" comes in handy. So I offer this, taken from a PSA by Ellis's muck-raking sci-fi journalist Spider Jerusalem:

"You want to know about voting. I'm here to tell you about voting.

Imagine you're locked in a huge underground nightclub filled with sinners, whores, freaks and unnameable things that rape pit bulls for fun. And you ain't allowed out until you all vote on what you're going to do tonight. 

You like to put your feet up and watch "Republican Party Reservation". They like to have sex with normal people using knives, guns and brand-new sexual organs that you did not know existed.

So you vote for television, and everyone else, as far as the eye can see, votes to fuck you with switchblades.

That's voting.

You're welcome."

Sleep tight, kids.



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